Old and New Jokes

The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, Im sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg.Well, I was thrown from the ship during galeforce winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off.The interviewer was sort of disappointed. What about the hook at the end of your right arm?I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard.Again the reporter was disappointed. Certainly theres an exciting story about the patch on your eye?One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and crapped in me eye.The reporter was amazed. Thats why you wear a patch?Well, Id only had me hook a couple of days.