Old and New Jokes

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been fired from his job.



-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.



-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.



-It doesnt matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked them out.



-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.



-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.



-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.



-When foreigners are alone, they all prefer to speak English to each other.



-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.



-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.



-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.



-Every time a person turns on the television to see the news, he instantly sees what he wants and what concerns him.