Old and New Jokes

Men are like department stores…. their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like vacations…. they never seem to be long enough.



Men are like computers… hard to figure out and never have enough memory.



Men are like coolers… load them with beer and you can take them anywhere



Men are like chocolate bars…. sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.



Men are like coffee…. the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.



Men are like horoscopes…. they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.



Men are like plungers… they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.



Q: Why are men like laxatives?



A: They irritate the shit out of you





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Q: Why did God create man?

A: Because vibrators dont mow lawns





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Q: What are two reasons men dont mind their own business?

A: No mind-No business





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Q: Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive,caring and good looking?

A: Because those men already have boyfriends





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Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?

A: You never know when hes coming, how many inches youll get or how long it will last.





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Q: Why are men given larger brains than dogs?

A: So they dont hump womens legs at cocktail parties





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Q: Why cant men get mad cow disease?

A: Because theyre all pigs