Old and New Jokes

Q: Whats red and goes up and down?

A: A tomato in an elevator.



Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?

A: We have to stick together.



Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?

A: Hello, hello.



Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?

A: A bulldoser.



Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?

A: When he steals a base.



Q: What did the can say to the can opener?

A: You make me flip my lid.



Q: What is a volcano?

A: A mountain with the hiccups.



Q: What do you find at the end of everything?

A: The letter g.



Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?

A: He called a toe truck.



Q: Why do two skunks argue?

A: Because they like to kick up a stink.



Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?

A: You can count on me.



Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

A: Put them in a barking lot.



Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?

A: He wanted to be a cool cat.



Q: What did the painter say to the wall?

A: One more crack and Ill plaster you.



Q: Why is baseball like a cake?

A: They both need batters.



Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?

A: Take me to your weeder.



Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?

A: Slippers!



Q: What did the rug say to the floor?

A: Ive got you covered!



Q: How do you make antifreeze?

A: You steal her blanket.



Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?

A: Because her horns dont work.