The top 15 signs youre in the wrong religion
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- Prayer books contain nothing but show tunes.
- In church, they pass a specimen plate.
- Their main prophet is scamming on your girlfriend.
- You must kneel and pray five times a day facing Redmond, Washington.
- The *only* food that youre allowed to eat is pork.
- The first reading is from the Book of Newt…
- Your position in the afterlife depends on how many cleaning products you sell here on earth.
- Larry Kings birthday is the High Holy Day for the year.
- Your new messiah claims to have fed the multitudes with a bucket of chicken, some fries, and a Big Gulp.
- Even though they taste heavenly, youre pretty sure Malomars are not a sacrament.
- All the commandments begin, You might be a sinner if…
- Sinner of the Week eligible for valuable prizes.
- Constant fear that the elders will discover the laptop youve got squirreled away in the buggy shed.
- Frequency of circumcision increased from once in a lifetime to once a year.
- Communion performed with tortilla chips and a shot of Cuervo.
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