Old and New Jokes

Twas the Night Before Chrismas: Brooklyn Version



Twas the night before Christmas,

Da whole house was mellow,

Not a creature was stirrin,

(I had a gun unda my pillow.)



When up on da roof

I heard somethin pound,

I sprung to da window,

To scream, Ay! Keep it down!



When what to my

Wanderin eyes should appear,

But dat hairy elf Vinny,

And eight friggin reindeer.



Wit a bad hackin cough,

And da stencha burped beer,

I knew in a moment

Yo, da Kringle wuz here!



Wit a slap to dere snouts,

And a yank on dere manes,

He cursed and he shouted,

And he called dem by name.



Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,

Yo Sally, Yo Vito,

Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,

Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!



As I drew out my gun

And hid by da bed,

Down came his friggin boot

On da top a my head.



His eyes were all bloodshot,

His b.o. wuz scary,

His breath wuz like sewage,

He had a mole dat wuz hairy.



He spit in my eye,

And he twisted my head,

He soon let me know

I should consider myself dead.



Den pointin a fat finga

Right unda my nose,

He let out some gas,

And up da chimney he rose.



He sprang to his sleigh,

Obscenities screaming,

And away dey all flew,

Before he troo dem a beatin.



But I heard him exclaim,

Or better yet grump,

Merry Christmas to all, and

Bite me, ya hump!