Old and New Jokes

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:



a) Lovemaking

b) Screwing

c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town



2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after youve both shared:



a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship

b) Your blood-test results

c) Five tequila slammers



3. You time your orgasm so that:



a) Your partner climaxes first

b) You both climax simultaneously

c) You dont miss SportsCenter



4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:



a) Healthy, creative love-play

b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to

c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about



5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman youve just had sex with is:



a) The best part of the experience

b) The second best part of the experience

c) $100 extra



6. Your girlfriend says shes gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:



a) No concern of yours

b) Not a problem – she can join your gym

c) A conservative estimate



7. You think todays sensitive, caring man is:



a) A myth

b) An oxymoron

c) A moron



8. Foreplay is to sex as:



a) Appetizer is to entree

b) Priming is to painting

c) A queue is to an amusement park ride



9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?



a) I hope we can still be friends.

b) Im not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone….

c) Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.



10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:



a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy

b) Is uptight and a waste of time

c) Shouldnt have sat next to you on the bus in the first place