The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer

COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED…

ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

FREE PUPPIES:

PART COCKER SPANIEL –

PART SNEAKY NEIGHBORS DOG

GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.

NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS.

20 YR. WARRANTY.

LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

BILLS SEPTIC CLEANING

WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.

LOOKS LIKE A RAT…

BEEN OUT AWHILE..

BETTER BE REWARD.

GEORGIA PEACHES

– CALIFORNIA GROWN –

89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

COMMUNITY HEADLINE:

ALZHEIMERS CENTER PREPARES

FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER!

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.