The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a
chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

Upon learning that Jesus fed the 5000, people ask whether the two fish
were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch em.

The pastor says, Id like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering. Then
five guys and two women stand up.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck
because It aint never been in a hole it couldnt get out of.

The choir is known as the OK Chorale.

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the
church directory.

Baptism is referred to as branding.

There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isnt just a parable.

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think rapture is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy
Bobs Barbecue.

The collection plates are really hub caps from a 56 Chevy.

The pastor has fewer teeth than Leon Spinks!