THE GHOST SHIT – Thats the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

THE CLEAN SHIT – The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT – It happens when youre done shitting, youve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize you have to shit some more.

BRAIN HEMORRAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT OR POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD SHIT – The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

THE ICEBERG SHIT – The kind where the shit is so long that the end of it stick s above the water.

THE RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT – The kind where you shit so much that you lose 30 pounds.

THE CORN SHIT – Self-explanatory.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT – The kind of shit that is so huge that youre afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush.

THE DRINKERS SHIT – That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread marks left on the bottom of the toilet.

THE GEE I WISH I COULD SHIT SHIT – Its the kind where you want to shit but all you do is sit on the toilet cramped and fart a few times.

THE SPINAL TAP SHIT – Thats the kind where it hurts so much coming out, youd swear it was leaving you sideways.

THE WET CHEECKS SHIT OR THE POWER DUMP – Thats the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE QUID SHIT – Thats the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically burning your tender buns.

THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT – A class all its own.

THE OTTOMAS SHIT – The kind where the odor of the mess creeps out of the restroom and throughout the building to make the entire building sick or near evacuation. (This has been noted in several bowling alleys in the past few years.)

…leaving me wondering – just who comes up with these things?…