Never squat with yer spurs on.

There are two theories to arguin with a woman; neither one works.

Dont worry about bitin off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot biggern you think.

If you get to thinkin youre a person of some influence, try orderin somebody elses dog around.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When youre full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin.

Never smack a man whos chewin tobacco.

It dont take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless youre out of good whiskey.

Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

If youre ridin ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure its still there.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, dont be surprised if they learn their lesson.

When youre throwin your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Lettin the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier n puttin it back in.

Always take a good look at what youre about to eat. Its not so important to know what it is, but its critical to know what it was.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.