Old and New Jokes

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A. Slow down and use a lubricant.



Q. Whats six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy?

A. Money



Q. Whats the difference between your wife and your job?

A. After five years your job will still suck.



Q. Whats the difference between you and your paycheck?

A. Your wife will blow your check.



Q. Whats the definition of a male chauvinist pig?

A. A man who hates every bone in a womans body except his own.



Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

A. Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.



Q. What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?

A. Theyve both swallowed a lot of seamen.



Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

A. Its not hard.



Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist beach?

A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.



Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist beach?

A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!



Q. Whats the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?

A. A pick-pocket snatches watches.



Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?

A. More head room.



Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?

A. They are both used as a substitute for meat.



Q. Whats the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?

A. One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year.



Q. What do old women have between their breasts that young women dont?

A. A bellybutton.



Q. Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?

A. Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.