University of Alaska
Statewide Dept. of Human Resource Development
303 Tanana Drive, Room 1, Bunnell Bldg.
Fairbanks, Alaska 99701

Sirs,

Ive decided to apply for your position as a systems
programmer even though I hate snow worse than I hate snakes.

Ive been training for going on two years now at a local
community college in data processing, computers, and that sort of
stuff and have probably learned all about MVS/SP, JES2, ACF/VTAM,
NCP, CICS, IDMS and a bunch of other letters you didnt even list
(In fact, theres about 26 of them total)!

I feel that this qualifies me in that respect. As for IBM
systems, I have an IBM Selectric and even an IBM wall clock at
which my current boss says I watch better than anyone else here.
You list Assembly but that seems like a typo to me because that
is a hardware thing, nothing real programmers are supposed to do.
However, if you will train me I will even buy my own tools
provided you dont let any other real programmers see me doing
it.

I see that you list competitive salary but if the best you
can do is to compete with my current salary I dont think I can
afford the job. I thought programmers made lots of money. But
Im easy. We can talk about that later.

Please note that Ive included my phone number and address
but if you like you can just have my ticket waiting at the
airport if thats more convenient. Alaska Airlines first class
will be good enough.

By the way, just what does a systems programmer do? (You can
save that for the interview if you like.)

Im glad to see youre an equal opportunity employer. My
boss says you would need to be to hire an obnoxious bastard
like me. Is that a protected group?

Well, act quick cause Im going fast.

Sincerely,

Poindexter D. Bytechip

Brent C.J. Britton <Brent@Maine.bitnet>