Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University
of Pennsylvania. Author unknown.

Contractor – A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

Bid Opening – A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Bid – A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

Low Bidder – A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

Engineers Estimate – The cost of construction in heaven.

Project Manager – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician
is in a different union.

Critical Path Method – A management technique for losing your shirt
under perfect control.

OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print,
red tape, split hairs and baloney–usually applied at
random with a shotgun.

Strike – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment – A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date – The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Auditor – Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the
wounded.

Lawyer – Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.