These are actual signs seen across the USA:

In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.

On a movie theater: Childrens matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.

In a florida maternity ward: No children allowed

In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a toy department: Five santa clauses, no waiting.

On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.

On military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personel

On a display of Youre my one and only valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.

In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan

In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks

In a mens clothing store: 15 mens wool suits — $10.00. They wont last an hour!

On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.

In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No End

In the window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here?

In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends

In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11AM to 11PM Midnight

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

On the grounds of a private school: No tresspassing without permission

In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away

In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you cant read this, its time to wash your car.