02
Mar

Application to date my daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________

DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________

GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________

DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________

CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________

If NO, explain_________________________________________

____________________________________________________

Number of years married________If less than your age,

Explain______________________________________________

____________________________________________________

Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____

A waterbed?__________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______

A condom?______ Pornography?_______ Do you have earring, nose ring,

or a belly button ring?________ A tattoo?___________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DONT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

Church you attend______________________________________

How often you attend_______

When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and

priest?_____________

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers

are confidential. (that means I wont tell anyone EVER)

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be

__________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my

__________________________________________________________

C: A womans place is in the

__________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is

__________________________________________________________

E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is

__________________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.

What do you want to do IF you grow up

__________________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room?_______________

Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OFTHE ABOVE

(circleone)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN HAND TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_______________________________________

Signature (that means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably cant, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).

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