A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, Three million dollars.

The accounts person is startled, and says, In what form?

and the little old lady says, Cash. Ive got it here in this bag…

The accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff in big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, Gambling.

Gambling?, he says.

What sort of gambling?

Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, Ive got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and Ill even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 youd be willing to wager on that?

The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didnt get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money.

I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldnt feel right taking it from you…theres no way you can win a bet like that! The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, I know what Im doing…and I can afford to lose, though Im not going to. Is it a bet?

Ok, have it your way, said the president, and they shook hands on it.

See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning, said the little old lady, and with that she left. Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank presidents office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. Hed gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won.

Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?

said the president.

Hes my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?

No, perfectly understandable, said the president.

Well, its now noon, and Im still unchanged, so I guess I win! he said happily.

Not so fast! said the little old lady.

For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants.

The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position hed want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question.

Ok, you win, heres your $100,000, says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.

Whats wrong with him?

asks the bank president.

Oh, hes just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today.