Blind Dates

Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.

Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always willing to fix up unsuspecting bachelors with girls whom they describe as perfect for you.

However, from the description given, it is difficult to imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable research, as a public service, I have attempted to translate some of these descriptive

phrases into plain English:

dandy little house keeper:

She has been married three times and kept all the houses

fine character:

Shes ugly

knows how to handle money:

Shes a spendthrift and great at spending yours

spotless reputation:

Shes ugly

strong family ties:

Shes a Mafia Princess

loves children:

Shes pregnant and needs a husband

wonderful personality:

Shes fat

great sense of humor:

Shes fat and will laugh at anything you say

the outdoor type:

She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys

ready to settle down:

Shes thirty-five, in a state of panic, and dying to marry

likes to have a good time:

She gets drunk a lot

lots of fun at parties:

Often makes an ass of herself

mature woman:

Shes at least thirty, but looks at least forty-five

has the appearance of a young school girl:

Shes at least thirty-three, but dresses like a teenager


She dresses like a slob

decorated her own place:

Her apartment resembles a pig sty

a great dancer:

Shell wear the soles right off your shoes

not overly emotional:

She only cries twenty-seven times a day

doesnt chase men:

Shes more of a mousetrap or a black widow spider type

seldom dates:

Shes a lesbian who needs a male escort for something

understands men:

Shes been married and divorced four times

a good sport:

She knows two hundred jokes and can drink you under the table

looks and dresses like a model:

Shes five eleven and weighs seventy three pounds

been in show business:

Shes a former porn movie star

traveled a lot:

Shes searched high and low for a husband

knows a lot of interesting people:

None of whom would marry her

wonderful disposition:

Shes ugly

Most viewed Jokes (20)