~ You were meant for me, perhaps as a punishment.

~ I know how to push all my wifes buttons … now if I could only find the one marked OFF!

~ I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.

~ Looking back over the years that weve been together, I cant help but wonder: what the hell was I thinking?

~ As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that youre not here to ruin it for me.

~ They say that an attractive human body is worth a million dollars. Looks like someone robbed your ugly ass.

~ When we were together, you always said youd die for me. Now that weve broke up, I think its time you kept your promise.

~ I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So heres his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

~ Im so miserable without you, its almost like youre here.