Old and New Jokes

I am a college student.

Ive missed class to watch Jenny Jones. Ive partied until 7 in the morning. I live for Southpark and Sportscenter.

I watch Jerry Springer religiously.

Im broke. Ive spent over $300 at one time buying text books. I spend that much in a month on beer. I drink til the sun comes up. I wake up 10 minutes before class.

I fall asleep 10 minutes into class.



I cant remember the last time I washed my car.

Im not sure where the library is.

I procrastinate. Im lazy. C2H5OH is my favorite chemical compound.

Id rather do E-mails than do schoolwork. Id rather sleep than do E-mails. Id rather drink than sleep. I fund the University through my parking tickets and phone bills. I drink on Sundays. I have an alcohol bottle collection on display in my room. I havent eaten breakfast in a year.

I order pizza at midnight. I make popcorn at 1:00. I do E-mails at 2:00. I watch TV at 3:00. I go to sleep around 4:00. I know the Greek alphabet better than the English alphabet. Ive built up a tolerance to certain beverages.



The weekend starts on Thursday. I want to own a breathalizer to use for fun. Im the type of person your mother warned you about. I am a college student and I wouldnt change a damn thing!