DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN

(The code is finally broken – the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just cant figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You dont get any points for doing something she expects… Sorry, but thats the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.

SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed………………………………………….. 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows………0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…………………..-1 You leave the toilet seat up………………………………..-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when its empty………………0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…….-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.-2 You check out a suspicious noise at night …………………….0 You check out a suspicious noise and its nothing………………0 You check out a suspicious noise and its something…………… 5 You pummel it with a six iron……………………………… 10

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party………………………..0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy……………………………………………-2 Named Tiffany…………………………………………….-4 Tiffany is a dancer……………………………………….-6 Tiffany has implants………………………………………-8

HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner………………………………….0 You take her out to dinner and its not a sports bar ………… 1 Okay, it is a sports bar…………………………………..-2 And its all-you-can-eat night……………………………..-3 Its a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team…………………………..-10

THOUGHTFULNESS You forget her birthday completely…………………………-20 You forget your anniversary……………………………….-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station………………..-45 Which is in Newark, New Jersey…………………………….-50 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast…………………-60

A NIGHT OUT You take her to a movie…………………………………… 2 You take her to a movie she likes………………………….. 4 You take her to a movie you hate ………………………….. 6 You take her to a movie you like……………………………-2 Its called DeathCop

3…………………………………….-3 Which features cyborgs having sex…………………………..-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans………..-15

FLOWERS You buy her flowers only when its expected…………………..0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ….. 20 You give her wildflowers youve actually picked yourself ……. 30 And she contracts Lyme disease…………………………….-25

YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly………………………… -15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.. 1 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ……………………………………-30 You say I dont care because you have one too ……………-800

FINANCES You spend a lot of money on something impractical…………… -5 Something she cant use…………………………………..-10 Such as a motorized model airplane…………………………-20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday………………-40

DRIVING You lost the directions on a trip………………………….-4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost…………….-10 You dont stop to ask directions …………………..0 You stop and ask for directions …………………. 25 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town ……………..-15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal……………………………………………….-25 You know them…………………………………………..-60

THE BIG QUESTION She asks, Do I look fat? ……………………………….-5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit) You hesitate in responding……………………………….-10 You reply, Where?……………………………………..-35

COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression…………………………..0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes……… 5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.. 10 She realizes this is because youve fallen asleep…………..-20