Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The results of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and engineering performance.

It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most engineers cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieved during their university years. So, this is a call to arms.

As our country is losing its technological edge we should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff that beer! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldnt deny yourself the career that you could have. Be all that you can be. Have another beer!