Everything I needed to know about computers I learned in the movies

All monitors and hand-held devices display 2 inch high letters whenever you need to see what the operator is typing.

High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

Those that dont will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing… ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES on any keyboard.

Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing UPLOAD VIRUS. Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors, explosions may result.

People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. However, the files are found fully intact upon returning.


Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

No matter what kind of computer disk it is, itll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

The more high-tech the equipment, the more unlabeled buttons it has.

Laptops always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities (through their built-in satellite uplink) and the performance of a CRAY-T3E.

Computers NEVER crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans NEVER make mistakes while operating computers under stress.

Any photograph can have minute details digitally pulled out of it; you can zoom into any picture as far as you want to.

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