Men, Women, and Dogs (New Show)

All we had at time of press is that this series will star former MTV VJ Bill Bellamy. It is unclear whether he will portray a man, woman or dog.

Smallville (New Show)

Tom Welling was cast as Clark Kent based on the strength of his performance in CBSs Judging Amy. The fact that Tom possesses the powers of flight, heat vision and freeze breath had nothing to do with it.

The Young Plastic Man Chronicles (New Show)

The stretchy comic-book hero gets his own prequel show following Smallville. Young Plas grapples with the trials of adolescence and having a penis that stretches to infinite lengths.

Off Centre (New Show)

This humourous comedy deals with the lives of colourful British football centres with day jobs: one drives a lorry, the other operates a lift. In the pilot episode they go on holiday but end up in hospital.

Elimidate Deluxe (New Show)

An upgrade from the wonderful but far too buggy original Elimidate, the new deluxe edition promises a collectible tin, a polybagged, sealed CD-ROM jewelbox with a hologram cover, a cloth map of Middle Earth suitable for framing or using as a placemat, some foam peanuts and the latest version of Elimidate, now at v5.23a. Preorder yours now!

Raising Dad (New Show)

Bob Saget watches re-runs of Charmed. So really, its only raising specific parts of dad.

Reba (New Show)

Reba McEntire stars as Bette Midler in a show that chronicles the making of last seasons sitcom Bette. For those who found Midlers portrayal of herself narcissistic and/or creepy, McEntires homespun southern charm should provide the Midler character some much-needed humanity.

Maybe Its Me (New Show)

Well, I just showered, so it probably is you.

Charmed

Rose McGowan joins the cast of this show about incredibly hot women who do stuff. They wear tight pants while people try to stop them from doing stuff, and then some things happen which cause them to bend and sometimes sweat. Then they do the stuff they were going to do before and continue to wear tight pants. The occult is involved somehow. This is the best show on television.

Felicity

Now a college senior, Felicity takes a break from exploring the vagaries of love to go on a series of humiliating job interviews, sleep too much, drink warm Jim Beam at noon, wear the same stained sweatpants day in and day out, mull over law school applications and listen to her fathers warnings that shell have to get off the money train come May, missy.

7th Heaven

Hey, you wanna talk about 7th heaven? Just throw me a jar of Astroglide and the cast of Charmed. Rrrowwrrrrr!

Angel

Angels are beautiful protectors. They have wings that wrap around your heart and flowing gowns that shimmer when they fly. Sometimes an angel will appear as a butterfly or sunny day or warm thought. Sometimes they consume the blood of others to survive.

Popstars 2

1st Network Executive: Hey, last year we created an all-female singing group.

2nd Network Executive: You know whatd be different — a co-ed singing group!

3rd Network Executive: And you know what? We can let them write their own songs.

[Network Execs 1 and 2 rip off 3rd Network Execs mask, revealing him to be hippie commie freak.]

Nikki

A new running joke this season has Nikki constantly falling into vats of maple syrup, then shouting, Im sticky! Im Nikki! Not as hot as Charmed but getting there.

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

In a hilarious fantasy episode, Sabrina is transported back to Salem, Massachusetts in 1692, where she is hanged.

Gilmour Girls

This documentary covers a year in the life of David Gilmours groupies. Watch as they start fights with fans of Roger Waters, attempt to pick out Gilmours guitar work on assorted Paul McCartney albums, and tweeze each others eyebrows.

Richard Dawsons Creek

Fill in your own punchline. This writes itself, people.

The Steve Harvey Show

Hi! How are you? Steve Harvey sends you this file in order to have your advice.

Copyright 2001 Modern Humorist, Inc.