Colleague swears these are true, happened on flights he was on …

Cabin attendant – Good morning, as we leave Dallas. Its warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where its dark, windy and raining, and why in the world yall wanna go there I really dont know.

Pilot – Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land… its a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.

Pilot – Folks, if you were with us last week, we never got around to mentioning that it was National Procrastination day. If you get a chance this week, please try to celebrate it. If you cant get to it, then maybe try to do it at the weekend, but no big rush. Have a nice day.