Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class

31. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CANT HEEEEEEAR YOU!

32. Ask for a volunteer for a demonstration. Ask them to fill out a waiver as you put on a lead apron and light a blowtorch.

33. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.

34. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.

35. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.

36. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.

37. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.

38. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep their distance for their own safety and mutter something about that bug I picked up in the field.

39. Begin class by smashing the neck off a bottle of vodka, and announce that the lectures over when the bottles done.

40. Growl constantly and address students as matey.

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