These signs are not real, but somewhat funny nonetheless.

Sign in a non-smoking area:

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

Sign on the door of the maternity ward:

Push Push Push.

Sign on used car lot:

Second hand cars in first crash condition.

Sign on fence:

Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

Sign at a hotel.

Help! We need inn-experienced people.

Sign in a science teachers room:

If it moves, its biology.
If it stinks, its chemistry.
If it doesnt work, its physics.

Sign in an office:

We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.

Sign in a veterinarys waiting room:

Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

Sign in beauty shop window:

Dye now!

Sign at a computer store:

Out for a quick byte.

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home:

Drive carefully. Well wait.