There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didnt even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.

After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.

Doctor, she said, I have a very bad gas problem.

A gas problem? replied the doctor.

Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh…silent gas emissions.

Last night, I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had (blush) four silent gas emissions.

Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions!

Doctor, youve got to help me! What can we do?

Well, said the doctor, I think the first thing were going to do is give you a hearing test!