If you do, heres a preview of the READ ME FIRST page

Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (c), the latest version of the worlds #1 computer operating system from Microsoft.

Before using your new software, please take the time to read these instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the limited warranty. Windows 98 (c) represents a significant technological improvement over Microsofts previous operating system, Windows 95 (c). Youll notice immediately that

• 98 is a higher number than 95
• a better than 3 percent increase.

But thats not all. Windows 98 (c) contains many features not found in Windows 95 (c), or in any competing computer operating system, (if there are any of course).

Among the improvements:

• faster storing and retrieving of files (not in all models),
• enhanced Caps Lock and back-space functionality,
• smoother handling,
• less knocking and pinging,
• an easy-to-follow 720-page Users Guide,

  and

• rugged weather-resistant shrink wrap around the box.

Most important, Windows 98 (c) offers superior compatibility with all existing Microsoft products. Were betting that youll never use another companys software again.

Windows 98 (c) comes factory-loaded with the latest version of Microsoft Explorer, the worlds most popular Internet browser. And despite what you may have heard from the U.S. Department of Justice, Windows 98 (c) offers you the freedom to select the Internet browser of your choice, whether its the one produced by the worlds largest and most trusted software producer, or by a smaller company that will either go out of business or become part of the Microsoft family.

Configuring Windows 98 (c) to use a browser OTHER than Microsoft Explorer is easy. Simply open the Options folder, click on the time bomb icon, and select Load Inferior Browser. A dialog box will ask Are you sure? Click yes. This question may be asked several more times in different ways and in 12 different languages – just keep clicking yes.

Eventually, the time-bomb icon will enlarge to fill the entire screen, signifying that the browser is being loaded. Youll know the browser is fully loaded when the fuse on the time bomb runs out and the screen explodes. If at any time after installation you become disappointed with the slow speed and frequent data loss associated with other browsers, simply tap the space bar on your keyboard. Microsoft Explorer will automatically be re-installed – permanently.

Windows 98 (c) also corrects, for the first time anywhere, the Year 2000 computer problem. As you may know, most computers store the current year as a two-digit number and, as a result, many will mistake the year 2000 for 1900. Windows 98 (c) solves the problem by storing the year as a four-digit number and, in theory, you wont have to upgrade this part of the operating system until the year 10000.

However, the extra memory required to record the year in four digits has prompted a few minor changes in the softwares internal calendar. Henceforth, Saturday and Sunday will be stored as single day, known as Satsun, and the month of June will be replaced by two 15-day months called Bill and Melissa. Please also take the time to complete the online registration form. It only takes a few minutes and will help us identify the key software problems our customers want addressed. Be assured that none of the information you provide, whether its your Social Security number, bank records, fingerprints, retina scan or sexual history, will be shared with any outside company not already designated as a Microsoft DataShare partner.

Weve done our best to make using Windows 98 (c) as trouble-free as possible. We want to hear from you if youre having any problems at all with you software. Simply call our toll-free Helpline and follow the recorded instructions carefully. (The Helpline is open every day but Satsun, and is closed for the entire month of Bill.)

If we dont hear from you, well assume your software is working perfectly, and an electronic message to that effect will be forwarded to the Justice Department. Well also send, in your name, a letter to the editor of your hometown newspaper, reminding him or her that American consumers want software designed by companies that are free to innovate, not by government bureaucrats.

Again, thanks for choosing Windows 98 (c).