old friends were just about to tee off at the first
hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying
a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if
I join you? My partner didnt turn up."
"Sure," they said, "Youre welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the
company of the newcomer. Part way around the course,
one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What
do you do for a living?"
"Im a hit man," was the reply.
"Youre joking!" was the response.
"No, Im not," he said, reaching into his
golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini snipers
rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are
my tools."
"Thats a beautiful telescopic sight,"
said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I
think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight
in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see
my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can
see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in
the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see shes naked! Whats
that? Wait a minute, thats my neighbor in there with
her. Hes naked as well! The bitch!" He turned
to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars
every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, shes always been mouthy,
so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, hes
a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his
dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing
perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going
to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the
hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a thousand
dollars here….."

Most viewed Jokes (20)