He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.He is not stupid; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.He does not get lost; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.He is not a cradle robber; he prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.He does not act like a total ass; he develops a case of RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION.He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.He is not unsophisticated; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.He does not hog the blankets; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has SWINE EMPATHY.He doesnt have a dirty mind; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.