Old and New Jokes

This is a long one so I apologise now!



3 men die and go to heaven. At the gates, they meet St Peter who tells them



Before you come in here, you have to answer one question. According to how you answer the question you will get a mode of transport. The mode of transport you have determines your status in heaven, do you understand?





yes answer the men





ok says Peter and he turns to the first man. Tell me truthfully, how many times have you had an affair???





Well said the first man I must admit Ive had an affair 5 times





You get a bicycle then said Peter and off the man goes into heaven





The second man answers, Ive had an affair 2 times and so he gets a mini and goes off into heaven





Finally the last man answers I can honestly say I have never had an affair in my life, I love my wife and so he gets a brand new bmw and goes off into heaven.





A time later, the first man sees the last man sat next to his brand new bmw crying.





What could possibly be wrong, you have this wonderfull car? asks the first man.





Its not that, I think thats great says the man crying, its just that Ive just seen my wife go by on a skateboard!