Im glad Im a woman, yes I am, yes I am I dont live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I dont brag to my buddies about my erections I wont drive to Hell before I ask for directions I dont get wasted at parties and act like a clown and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!

I wont grab your hooters, I wont pinch your butt my belt buckles not hidden beneath my beer gut and I dont go around readjusting my crotch or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch I dont belch in public, I dont scratch my behind

Im a woman you see — Im just not that kind! Im glad Im a woman, Im so glad I could sing I dont have body hair like shag carpeting It doesnt grow from my ears or cover my back When I lean over you cant see 3 inches of crack

And whats on my head doesnt leave with my comb Ill never buy a toupee to cover my dome Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side

Im a woman, you know — Ive got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me to have these two boobs and squat when I pee I dont live to play golf and shoot basketball I dont swagger and spit like a Neanderthal I wont tell you my wife just does not understand stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, Im glad Im a woman, a woman you see you can forget all about that old penis envy I dont long for male bonding, I dont cruise for chicks join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick Im a woman by chance and Im thankful its true Im so glad Im a woman and not a man like you!