In The News – Excerpts From The LA Times

Off to Welfare recepients, virgins, postal workers, very large people, mild sexual content, etc, etc, etc.

The new Republican agenda calls for elimination of welfare payments for a third child. Theyre calling it Three Tykes and Youre Out.

While in Hawaii, President Clinton visited volcanoes. He really isnt interested in volcanoes, he was just looking for virgins.

Progress has been slow in the Postal Service contract talks. Postal strikes are forbidden by law, but that hasnt stopped workers from staging job actions such as delivering mail undamaged, on time and to the right address…

Speaking of the Post Office… The new Nixon stamp is different from other stamps. According to the postmaster, youll be able to accuse the stamp of a cover up, you just wont be able to make it stick. In order to make the new Marilyn Monroe stamp stick, you have to lick it a bunch of times. Oddly enough, most guys dont seem to mind.

A Sellersville, Pa. woman who weighed 1,050 pounds is suing a tabloid for comparing her to a baby elephant. She said this is one insult she will never forget!

Recent headlines make me feel kind of nostalgic… Jimmy Carter negotiates peace… Rolling Stones have the biggest rock tour… George Foreman is the heavyweight champion of the world… I decided to put on my bell-bottoms and get in line for gas.

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