CS Rep: LOVE Technical Support.

Customer: Im not very technical, but I think I can do it if you talk me through. I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: It depends. What programs are running?

Customer: Let me see … I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs will prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I dont know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, Im done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should see a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed now?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops … I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says ERROR 412 – PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that mean?

CS Rep: Dont worry, thats a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to LOVE your own machine before it can LOVE others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called SELF-ACCEPTANCE?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: Youre welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the MYHEART directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves into my HEART!

CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go …

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help

Jeffrey S. Davis, author

Javelin JV Planning