Italian roots
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You know you are addicted to your Italian roots when…
- You pay the paperboy with LIRA
- You answer your neighbors by grunting and saying, No speaka Engleesh!
- You tell people that Raffaele, Michelangelo and Donatello of Ninja Turtle fame are your first cousins.
- You start calling your wife Gina and tell her youll be happy to pay for breast enlargements.
- You carry Italian road maps in your glove compartment
- You can recite the name of every province in Italy in 2 minutes (and you can spell them in 4 minutes).
- You get arrested at the Mall after the police dont accept your explanation that Italians are overcome by a natural urge to pinch buttocks after 22 women identity you
- You leave work at 10 AM because its quitting time in Rome.
- You call WPIX-TV in NYC to ask why the Yankee announcers ARE speaking English
- You spray paint over the chrome Buick emblem on your automobile and write FIAT in 12 inch letters
- You are arrested for fighting after punching a fellow Italian who told you that in WWII he stopped an advancing Italian tank by shooting the Italian pushing it.
- You are fined for adding the word Via to 51 streets signs in your neighborhood
- You write to Rome to complain about proposed state tax legislation in Iowa.
- The priest asks you to find another church after you pass out 500 bumper stickers during mass which read, Italians Make Better Lovers
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