Job Security Quiz

Many of us have been there. Something just doesnt click with the new boss. Or maybe were just horribly incompetent, or miserably incapable of performing up to standard. Whatever the reason, sometimes in our lives, weve got to calculate the odds of being canned. Take this quiz and find out you chances of survival in the job world.

  1. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk. You…

    A) swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.

    B) inform him that youre planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.

    C) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until youve finished the level.

  2. Theres a cush job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?

    A) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone whos been working with you.

    B) Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.

    C) Barge into your bosss office and demand reassignment so that you, Wont have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughing-stock.

  3. When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?

    A) Stay home and watch I Love Lucy reruns.

    B) Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.

    C) Go over to your bosss house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.

  4. Your boss criticizes your work unjustly; what do you do?

    A) Listen politely, and then apologize.

    B) Blame someone else.

    C) Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which youve written the word union.

  5. When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you…

    A) Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.

    B) Key it … then tell the CEOs secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.

    C) Key it … then proudly tell the CEOs secretary that you did it.

  6. Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kids fifth birthday party, what do you do?

    A) Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.

    B) Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-workers into doing it while pretending to be you.

    C) Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.

  7. Your boss gorgeous daughter comes on to you. How do you react?

    A) Tell her that you feel it would be unethical for you to date the bosss daughter, but that you would be honored to pay for her to go to the movie by herself.

    B) Slip her a mickey, then marry her before she sobers up.

    C) Tell her you would love to go out with her, because you like cheap women, but you prefer them to be at least slightly attractive.

  8. The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean. You…

    A) clean the office while he supervises.

    B) tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.

    C) clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss face.


Mostly As: You have nothing to worry about. Theyll never fire you because youre a doormat.

Mostly Bs: Youre not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings, youll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! Youre a real jerk.

Mostly Cs: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but hes terrified of what you might do.

Thanx to William Conway.

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