Laws of Life

Katzs Law:

Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Churchills Commentary on Man:

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Sattingers Law:

It works better if you plug it in.

Cahns Axiom (aka Aliens Axiom):

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Beckhaps Law:

Beauty times brains equals a constant.

Coles Axiom:

The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Jones Motto:

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The Ultimate Law:

All general statements are false.

Knights Law:

Life is what happens to you when youre making other plans.

Kruegers Observation:

A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.

Benchleys Law of Distinction:

There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who dont.

Harvers Law:

A drunken mans words are a sober mans thoughts.

Rule of Accuracy:

When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Finagles First Law:

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagles Third Law:

In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

Rudins Law:

In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.

Ginsbergs Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:

You cant win.

You cant break even.

You cant quit.

Quantized Revision of Murphys Law:

Everything goes wrong all at once.

OTooles Commentary:

Murphy was an optimist.

Murphys Constant:

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Firestones Law of Forecasting:

Chicken Little only has to be right once.

Ralphs Observation:

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.

Murphys 3rd Military Law:

Friendly fire aint.

Murphys 4th Military Law:

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

Murphys 5th Military Law:

The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.

Murphys 6th Military Law:

The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

Murphys 7th Military Law:

The farther you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.

Murphys 8th Military Law:

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Murphys 9th Military Law:

If your advance is going well, youre walking into an ambush.

Murphys 10th Military Law:

The quartermaster only has two sizes, too large and too small.

Murphys 11th Military Law:

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

Murphys 13th Military Law:

The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.

Clarkes Third Law:

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Weilers Law:

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesnt have to do it himself.

Peters Placebo:

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Zymurgys Law of Volunteer Labour:

People are always available for work in the past tense.

Grossmans Misquote:

Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.

Ducharmes Precept:

Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

Perkins Postulate:

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Conways Law:

In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

Stewarts Law of Retroaction:

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

Horngrens Observation (generalized):

The real world is a special case.

Shirleys Law:

Most people deserve each other.

Golds Law:

If the shoe fits, its ugly.

Colsons Law:

When youve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

Comins Law:

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

Menckens Metalaw:

For every human problem there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.

Sevareids Law:

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Thoreaus Law:

If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.

Gerrolds Pronouncement:

The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.

Hanes Law:

There is no limit to how bad things can get.

Alans Law:

All things being equal, you lose.

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