A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.
The driver says, Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: Now dont be silly dear, you know that this car doesnt have cruise control.
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, Cant you please keep your mouth shut for once?
The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, Darn it, woman, cant you keep your mouth shut?
The officer frowns and says, And I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, sir. Thats an automatic $75 fine.
The driver says, Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.
The wife says, Now, dear, you know very well that you didnt have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when youre driving.
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, WHY DONT YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you this way, Maam?
Only when hes been drinking.