I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words I do.

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, I dont feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

I said, WHAT?? So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. Im thinking, What was her first clue?

I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store… I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldnt decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you …she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I dont think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesnt even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, Im ready to go, lets go to the cash register.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, No, honey. I dont feel like buying all this stuff now. You should have seen her face … it went completely blank. I then said, Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the Spring thaw.