Alimony:

1) A contraction of the term all-his-money.

2) A splitting headache.

3) Its the screwing you get, for the screwing you got.

4) Paying for something you dont get.

5) Thats the same as buying corn for somebody elses cow.

6) The high cost of leaving.

7) The last laugh.

8) The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husbands checkbook.

9) Buying oats for a runaway horse.

10) A womans cash surrender value.

11) The billing minus the cooing.

Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts.

Experience: What a man gets in exchange for alimony.

Marriage: Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy.

What is the definition of a faithful husband? One whos alimony checks arrive on time.

He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.