One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. Later, as they were cuddling, Pinocchio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So he asked her, Whats the matter, baby?

Pinocchios girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, Youre probably the best guy Ive ever met– but every time we make love, you give me splinters.

This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto. As Pinocchio revealed his dilemma, Gepetto suggested that sandpaper might be able to smooth out Pinocchios relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchios graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.

Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchios problems.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, So Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls.

To which Pinocchios replied, GIRLS? WHO NEEDS GIRLS???