Old and New Jokes

The jetliner was taking off from Chicagos OHare airport.
Shortly after it reached the cruising altitude, the captain began his normal welcoming remarks…
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. . . Welcome to Flight 4295, nonstop from Chicago to Newark. Our weather ahead is good and with the tail wind we anticipate a smooth and uneventful flight. So sit back and relax – OH NO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the intercom came to life once again. The calm voice of the captain said, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was finishing my announcement, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the whole thing right my lap. You should see the front of my pants!
A passenger in Coach said, Yeah, right… He should see the back of mine!