Patient: Doctor, youve gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. I eat bananas, bananas come out.
Doctor: Thats easy. Eat shit!
31
Aug
31
Aug
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didnt get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, Im sorry buddy we dont serve strings in here. The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.
Ive been here before and gotten a drink, Ill go get us something to drink, said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, I thought I told your buddy we dont serve strings in here. So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.
The thrid string says Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, You a string? Frayed knot, he replies.
31
Aug
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row !!
Blonde: Thats nothing; last night I had over hundred.
Brunette: My god ! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) oh, you meant with one guy. . .
30
Aug
Every hormone hostage knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he
takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that
should be as common as a drivers license in the wallet of
every husband, boyfriend, or male child.
DANGEROUS: Whats for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Why are you so worked up?
SAFER: Could we be over-reacting?
SAFEST: Heres fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?!?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didnt overdo it today.
SAFEST: Ive always loved you in that robe.
30
Aug
Ya mommas so fat I have to take two trains and a bus just to get on her good side
30
Aug
A drunk man walks into a bar and says, Im gonna take a dump on all of you except for…you! Why me? Because Im gonna wipe my ass with you!
30
Aug
Llegan unos niños a casa de Pepito y tocan la puerta. Abre la mamá y uno de los niños le dice:
Señora, ¿puede salir Pepito a jugar base-ball con nosotros?
La madre hace un gesto de dolor y les responde:
¡Pero ustedes saben que Pepito nació sin manos y sin pies!
Por eso señora… le dice el niño, ¡lo queremos para almohadilla de segunda base!
30
Aug
Una niña le hace la parada a un camión de transporte urbano y le pregunta al chofer:
¿Disculpe, va para el zoológico?
Asà es.
¡Que se diviertan!
30
Aug
Pepito ve a su anciana vecina caminar por la calle y exclama:
¡Ah, pero usted tiene dos pies, doña Rufina!
¡Claro que sÃ, Pepito! ¿Y a qué viene esta observación?
Es que mi papá me dijo que usted tenÃa un pie en el otro mundo.
30
Aug
En plena borrachera un borracho le dice a otro:
¿En qué se parece una hormiga a un elefante?
El otro le responde: No sé.
En que hormiga se escribe con H.
¿Pero elefante que tiene que ver si elefante no lleva H?
SÃ lleva H.
No lleva.
SÃ lleva.
¿Y por qué lleva H?
Porque el elefante se llama Humberto.