Old and New Jokes

Manolo y Venancio platican en el bar:

Anoche tuve un sueño erótico.

¿Ah, sí? ¿Y qué pasaba?

Mira, había una rubia impresionante, no te la puedes ni imaginar, y va y me dice: Dame tus cuarenta centímetros de polla y haz que me duela.

¡Jo! ¿Y tú qué hiciste?

Lo que pude… La follé tres veces y luego le pegué de hostias.

Estaba Mickey Mouse en su casa con Mimí. En eso Mickey le dice a Mimí:

I want to divorce.

Mimí sorprendida le contesta:

Are u fucking crazy?

Mickey, con cara de galán, le responde:

No,I´m fucking Daisy.

This hippie walks into a bar, and thinks its a restaurant. He walks up to the counter, and says to the barkeep, I want a hot dog, not too hot, not too cold, but in the groove.



So the barkeep walks into the back room, and tells this to the manager, who is in a bad mood. The manager says, Well, give him whatever he wants, then get him out of here.



The barkeep heads back into the main room, posing as a waiter. Anything else, he questions. The hippie replies, Yeah, I want a milkshake, not too thick, not too thin, but in the groove.



Again, the barkeep relays this to his manager, who is getting more frusterated as the night goes on. He yells, Fine, I already told you, give him what he wants and get him out of here!



So the barkeep returns to the hippie. That was a hot dog and a milkshake, right? Yeah, the hippie says, but scratch the hot dog. I want a hamburger, not to rare, not too well-done, but in the groove.



The barkeep relays this to the manager, who has finally had enough. He storms out of the back room, and bellows at the hippie.



You can kiss my ass! Not on the left cheek, and not on the right cheek, but in the groove!!

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, “Hi there, how’s it going tonight?”



She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, “I’ll screw anybody any time, anywhere, any place… it doesn’t matter to me.”



The guy raises his eyebrows and says, “No kidding? What law firm do you work for?”

Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a
shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near
the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

A whine cellar.

There is one of those large, portable flashing signs in front of the School for the Blind in Louisville, KY with the following message: WELCOME BACK STUDENTS

Q. Why did George W Bush want to get to India before lunch?

A. He heard that there was a New Dehli.

Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth.