A wife, one evening, drew her husbands attention to the couple next door and said, Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why dont you do that?
I would love to, replied the husband, but I dont know her well enough.
Ahora Nueva York tiene tres superhéroes:
Superman: vuela por los aires.
Spiderman: trepa los edificios.
Musulman: atraviesa edificios.
El mexicano no se emborracha: ¡Se pone hasta atrás!
El mexicano no saluda: Te dice ¿qué onda, güey?
El mexicano no tiene amigos: Tiene compas.
El mexicano no se cae: Se da un chingadazo.
El mexicano no se burla de ti: Te echa carrilla.
El mexicano no convence: Tira choro
El mexicano no se atreve: Se lanza a lo macho.
El mexicano no besuquea: Faja.
El mexicano no molesta: Chinga.
El mexicano no flatula: Se pedorrea.
El mexicano no holgazanea: Echa la hueva.
El mexicano no te ve la cara: Te hace pendejo.
El mexicano no se baña: Se lo lava.
El mexicano no se molesta: Se encabrona.
El mexicano no te golpea: Te agarra a chingadazos.
El mexicano no te ordena: Te manda a la de a huevo.
El mexicano no se encuentra fastidiado: ¡Está hasta la madre!
El mexicano no sufre de diarrea: Se desfunde del culo.
El mexicano no fracasa: La caga.
El mexicano no duerme: Se echa una jeta
El mexicano no sale corriendo: Sale en chinga loca.
El mexicano no rÃe hasta más no poder: Se caga de la risa.
El mexicano no eyacula: Se deja venir.
Al mexicano no le es difÃcil: ¡Está cabrón!
El mexicano no se masturba: Se la jala.
El mexicano no ignora las cosas: Se las pasa por los huevos.
El mexicano no pide prestado: Tira un sablazo.
El mexicano no le hace el amor a una mujer: Se la coge.
El mexicano no se resbala: Se va de nalgas.
El mexicano no es cobarde: Es puto.
El mexicano no come: Se echa un taco.
El mexicano no va rápido: Va hecho la madre.
El mexicano no pelea: Se agarra a madrazos.
El mexicano no es listo: ¡Es chingón!
El mexicano no pide que lo lleven: Pide un aventón.
Al mexicano no le hacen sexo oral: Se la maman.
El mexicano no es un tipo alegre: ¡Es poca madre!
El mexicano no orina: Se echa una firma.
El mexicano no te insulta: ¡Te mienta la madre!
Al mexicano no le hacen la circuncisión: Le pelan el chile.
El mexicano no es mujeriego: ¡Es un cabrón!
El mexicano no tiene suerte: Se raya.
El mexicano no es intransigente: ¡Sólo se le hinchan los huevos!
El mexicano no es grosero: ¡Es un pinche lépero mal hablado!
El mexicano no es corrupto: ¡Es un trácala!
El mexicano no se muere: ¡Se lo lleva la chingada!
El mexicano no es cualquier cosa: es MEXICANO.
Asà que si eres mexicano manda esto a todos los paisanos que conozcas.
¡Viva México, cabrones!
Q: Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didnt have any guts!!!
A man comes home from work, sits in his lazyboy, in front of the TV and rudely tells his wife, Gimme a beer before it starts.
She gives him a beer.
About 15 minutes later, he says again, Gimme a beer before it starts.
Again, she gives him a beer.
A few minutes later, he asks again for a beer.
Dont you think youre exaggerating? It hasnt been half an hour that you got here and you already had two beers. Im getting fed up with this.
The husband looks up and mumbles, Now it starts . . .
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. Incredible!, says his friend. Medical science is amazing.
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. Incredible!, says his friend. Medical science is amazing!
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but cant find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday. The doctor thinks for a minute and says, Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
A preacher who advertised himself as a great healer set up a tent in a small rural town. That evening a man came in on crutches and said to him, Aint no doctor been able to cure my leg. Can you heal me? Whats your name brother? asked the preacher. Bob replied the man. Bob, you just go behind that red curtain. A moment later, another man walked in and said, S-s-sir, c-c-can you help m-m-me with m-m-my s-s-stuttering? Whats your name brother? asked the preacher. John replied the man. John, you just go behind that red curtain. After 10 minutes of frenzied preaching and praising, the healer threw his hands in the air, raised his eyes to the ceiling, and dramatically shouted, Bob, drop your crutches! John, say something! A few moments passed before a voice behind the curtain said, B-b-bob just f-f-fell on h-h-his b-b-butt.