10) He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

9) He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.



He does not get lost all the time; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.



7) He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.



6) He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.



5) He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.



4) He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.



3) He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.



2) He is not a bad dancer with no rhythm; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.



1) He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.