Quickies & Quotes

Wieners come in packs of ten, buns in packs of eight, beer in packs of six, presliced bologna comes in packs of sixteen slices, condoms come in packs of three. Why cant they get it straight? Man needs a calculator just to have a weekend.

Im writing to tell you my problem, It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years. He makes love to me regardless of what I am doing; Ironing, Washing dishes, Sweeping, even doing anything that ucnn hlp m wth nd f unothel gothsl ehj fpslth fjsl;s;;o{O} .lp sld mpskdli dlks; a;ld

Seems this Russian wine exporter was trying to get his product past a bureaucrat who insisted on a payoff. The bureaucrat quoted a figure of $10,000 to let the shipment past his checkpoint.

The exporter replied that the price seemed a little high – as for only $2000 he could have the bureaucrat killed.

The wine made it thru just fine.

And then there was the fellow who took a far-eastern course in exotic love making and announced that hed probably never be able to face his girlfriend again.

The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets… which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men.

There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L Convertible.

— P. J. ORourke

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We cant decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

— Rita Rudner

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