On an Electricians truck: Let us remove your shorts. Outside a Radiator Repair Shop: Best place in town to take a leak.

In a Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

On Maternity Room door: Push, Push, Push. On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

At an Optometrists Office: If you dont see what youre looking for, youve come to the right place.

On a Scientists door: Gone Fission On a Taxidermists window: We really know our stuff. In a Podiatrists window: Time wounds all heels. On a Butchers window: Let me meat your needs. On another Butchers window: Pleased to meat you. At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition. On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

At a Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment. Outside a Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. Well hear you coming.

Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people. At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents? In a Dry Cleaners Emporium: Drop your pants here. On a desk in a Reception Room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left. In a Veterinarians waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! On a Music Teachers door: Out Chopin.

At the Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you dont, you will be.

In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!

On the side of a Garbage Truck: Weve got what it takes to take what youve got. (Burglars please copy.)

On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte.

In a Restaurant window: Dont stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

Inside a Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.

In a Cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a minuet. In the front yard of a Funeral Home: Drive carefully, well wait. In a Counselors office: Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional.