Alabama
Literacy aint everything
Ya want fries with dat?
Alaska
Come, freeze your butt off
Arizona
Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds
Arkansas
At least were not Mississippi
California
The Granola State
Nobodys actually from here
Fast reloading lanes available
The really long state
Colorado
Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here
Official home of the winter ski bunny
Connecticut
Way too close to New York
Delaware
Youll need a map to find us
So close to Washington you can smell it
Florida
The Gunshine State
Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die
Senior citizen discounts available
Come, enjoy the humidity
The snow capital of the US
Georgia
Home of the Rednecks
Gateway to Florida
Confederate money welcome
Hawaii
Sure, weve got Interstates… drive on over
Book em Danno
Tom Seleck, Jack Lord, Don Ho – Paradise!
Come, get lai-ed
Idaho
Aint nothing here
We dont care if you spell potato with an e
Land of a billion eyes
Illinois
Land of the voting dead
Gateway to Iowa
Indiana
Home of David Letterman
Iowa
Just east of Omaha
Its easy to spell
Kansas
Hayfever capital of the Midwest
Dole slept here
Theres no place like home
Ya want flat, we got flat
Kentucky
Tobacco is a vegetable
Were all related
Gateway to Nashville
Louisiana
Swim the beautiful Bayou
Cancer Alleys just a name, and names will never hurt you
Maine
For Sale
You can spit on Canada from here
Maryland
If it werent for Washington, you couldnt find us
Massachusetts
Home of the young girls from Nantucket, also the home of Ted Kennedy,
hmmmm…
Michigan
Land of the free, home of the Buick
Minnesota
Not Sweden, but we try to act like it
Sure beats Canada
Mississippi
Were lucky we can spell it
Why would you want to come here?
Missouri
Gateway to Kansas
Heres mine, Show Me yours
Were better than Illinois
Montana
Land of the Big Sky, and very little else
Weve got lots of 10×10 shacks in the woods
Its where youre wanted.
At least our cows are sane.
Nebraska
More corn than Kansas
Go to Kansas, turn north
Nevada
More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too)
2 words – Death Valley
3:5 youll leave broke
We have our own nuclear testing site
New Hampshire
Like Old Hampshire, only newer
About as exciting as Vermont
New Jersey
You have the right to remain silent, You have the right to an attorney…
Tell em Guido sent ya
New Mexico
Lizards make excellent pets
We have reservations
Alien Welcome Center – Roswell
New York
At least were not New Jersey!
Were more than a big city; were a state
Like we CARE about a motto
English spoken here; sometimes
North Carolina
Five million people; Fifteen last names
Were bigger than South Carolina
North Dakota
The OTHER South Dakota
Ohio
Dont judge us by Cleveland
Proud polluters of Lake Erie
Were easy to spell
Oklahoma
Were OK, youre NOT!
I dont think were in Kansas anymore, Toto
Oregon
As pretty as California but not as weird
Were not named after a musical instrument
You can see the sunset from here
Pennsylvania
Cook with coal
Free lub job with oil change
Rhode Island
Size aint everything
Nobody famous came from Rhode Island
South Carolina
Just south of North Carolina
South Dakota
Closer than North Dakota
Tennessee
The Educashun State
Thank goodness weve still got Elvis
A great fixer-upper
Texas
Si Hablo Ingles
See, everything is bigger in Texas!
Utah
Our Jesus is better than your Jesus
At least our sheep cant talk
Vermont
Bet ya cant name 2 of our towns
Virginia
Please dont confuse us with West Virginia!
Washington
We like our state, so STAY OUT!
West Virginia
Where family values has a different meaning
Wisconsin
Land of funny accents.
Say Cheeeese
Wyoming
Where men are lonely and sheep are scared